The Product of Our Love
by madkrizzy
Summary: Three weeks after Augustus' death, Hazel notices that something is wrong and is rushed into hospital. Could this change her life forever? Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Three weeks after Augustus died, I started feeling slightly sick. Like, not just cancer sick, but something different. I tried to ignore it, thinking it would pass, but every morning was the same. Sick.

"Hazel?" my mom asked worriedly as she rushed into my room for the third time this morning. She looked up to see me retching all over the place, splattering my few possessions with unpleasant green blobs. I didn't have many things in my room now – too many of them reminded me of Augustus, and I couldn't cope with the hurt every day – but almost everything I did have had been touched by my puke.

"I'm fine, Mom," I told her, but she knew I wasn't.

"Oh, honey!" she exclaimed as I sat down on my bed, all puked out. Taking strands of hair off my face, she cleared up my skin with a cloth before scuttling out and returning with a larger cloth to tackle the floor.

"Hazel, are you sure we don't need to go and see someone at the hospital? If you feel like your cancer's getting worse, we need to go. Now."

I grumbled something negative in response, but she obviously took it as confirmation that we did, in fact, need to go to the hospital.

"Up! Into the car!" my mom shouted after she had finished cleaning the floor. "And yes, I'll record all of the episodes of America's Next Top Model that are on today."

I still didn't feel like going to the hospital, but ANTM was a good bribe.

I dragged myself out of my room, still in my pink, stripy pyjamas and my fluffy slippers, and almost managed to make it to the car by myself before my mom decided I needed help.

"Honestly, Mom, I'm fine," I protested weakly, but she still walked me to the car door and helped me in.

"That's what you said before you were taken in last time," she replied, sighing. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I don't want to lose you as suddenly as…"

"As Augustus?" I shot back. "You didn't lose Augustus, Mom. I did. His parents did. The only kid you'll lose to the shitty thing they call cancer is me."

Mom didn't say anything else until we got to the hospital.

The ambulances outside the hospital blared their sirens even though they'd already arrived at their destination. I tried to ignore them as we walked in to the Emergency Department, but found myself wondering about the stories of the people in them. Their life, their friends, their family. Augustus had rubbed off on me again.

"Do you have any idea what could have caused this?" Mom asked as she rushed in, dragging me by the arm. "Y'know, in case they ask you directly or anything."

I contemplated the question for a moment before answering. "Nope. They said that my cancer wasn't getting any worse, so I don't know."

Mom sighed. "Your guess is as good as mine, honey." That was a trademark mom phrase she liked to use. I wanted to nag her about it, but knew from the look on her face that she was already stressed enough.


	2. Chapter 2

I went to sit down on one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs as my mom walked over to talk to the lady in charge. She was obviously quickly ushered away, as she soon came over and sat next to me, grumbling about the lack of care.

"I don't think you're one to complain, Mom," I commented. "I mean, they kinda cared for your daughter well so far."

She smiled slightly, leaning forward to pick up a magazine to flick through. "I guess. I'm just worried, Hazel." She looked up at the nurses rushing around, fluttering between new cases coming in from ambulances. "I'd pick up something to read, if I were you. We could be some time."

I took her advice, and spread the small collection of magazines over the table so I could see them. I think it's compulsory for hospitals to have a pretty crappy range of magazines – cars, gossip, that kind of thing. Let's make people even more bored than they already are!

I eventually decided on a rather cheap looking 'House and Home' magazine.

"This is terrible," I later proclaimed to my mom, holding the magazine up in disgust.

"I bet mine is worse," she countered, showing me the cover of 'Diets for You'.

"Okay, you win."

A nurse soon came over to check me over and ask me a few questions. She was old and looked down at me from her height, her glasses sliding down her nose. I stifled laughter as she asked me to stand up.

"Name?"

"Hazel Grace Lancaster."

"Do you have any medical conditions, Hazel?"

"Thyroid cancer that spread to my lungs." I pointed to the oxygen tank beside me.

"Right, okay. Why are you here today?"

My mom cut in at this point. "She's been sick – physically vomiting – in the morning for the past few days. We were wondering whether it was anything to do with her cancer."

"I'm not trained in that particular field," she said flatly. "But I can try and get hold of your doctor."

Mom smiled slightly, apparently unfazed by the extremely unenthusiastic nurse, reciting the details about my doctor and my illness while I went back to reading about houses. It wasn't particularly interesting, but better than listening to that lady's voice. I was just getting into reading about floral wallpaper when my mom tapped me on the shoulder.

"You remember where the ward is, right?"

I nodded, stifling a sigh. This was the way she let me be independent – by walking her to the Children's cancer ward. How thrilling.

"The nurse said that the doctors will meet us there. You're lucky – they have a bed free."

This time I did sigh. "So they presume I'll need to be staying for a bit?"

"It's just precautionary, Hazel. I'm sure there'll be a simple explanation, like your drugs or something."

Like there had ever been a simple explanation to my illness before. I walked off, trusty oxygen cart in tow, and my mom had no choice but to end the conversation and follow.

It didn't take long to get to the cancer ward and, as promised, my cancer doctor was there along with a couple of others I hadn't met before. They were all smiles, which worried me slightly. Happiness is something I didn't ever associate with hospitals – they weren't a place you went out of choice, just if you were ill – which is a bad thing, right?

"Josie, Andrew, this is Hazel Grace Lancaster. Her case is quite an extraordinary one, isn't it Hazel?"

I nodded sheepishly, not quite sure why I was.

"Oh, I never told you! Hazel, these are student doctors currently spending time looking at cancer treatment and prevention. I recommended your case to them, and they have spent some time reviewing it. I was hoping you would let them in today while we try and discover what's wrong."

I just nodded again, knowing that what I said probably wouldn't make a difference. Besides, I knew my sarcastic comments wouldn't be appreciated here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **

**Hi there! The author finally talks :) Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and following - I never thought this would actually be somewhat popular. Apologies if I'm wrong with any of the details regarding American hospitals in the next few chapters - I'm English, so I don't know much about them. If I get something wrong, feel free to PM me and correct it!**

**Anyway, I'm rambling. Thanks again for reading - I hope you continue to enjoy it!**

* * *

"Great! If you'd like to come this way," he said, walking off towards his office. The two young doctors followed, as did Mom and I, but at a distance.

"Last time these student doctors came, you had to suffer through three months of those trial drugs," Mom complained.

I nodded. "Yeah, but they haven't killed me yet!"

"Hazel."

"Sorry."

Mom was ushered into the office by one of the student doctors while the other led me to the free bed.

"Is there anything I can get for you while you wait?" he asked.

I shook my head. "What am I waiting for?"

"Your regular doctor just needs to finish explaining your case to us, and your mum can then fill in some forms to agree to us being able to shadow your case. Josie will then come and assess your condition, and you might have to go for some scans to make sure everything's okay."

Everything's not okay, if you hadn't guessed, I thought, but merely nodded and thanked the student before he toddled off back to the office.

It didn't take long for my mom to emerge from the office. She quickly walked over to where I was sitting.

"Hazel," she said.

I looked up momentarily from the magazine I had been flicking through – someone had left it on the side. An almost solemn look spread across her face.

"They want to take you for some scans, just to check out your lungs. It's possible that some water may have got in your lungs, or…"

"What?" I asked.

"The cancer may have spread further. They don't know, nothing's definite – it's just a means of checking out the problem."

I nodded, putting the magazine back on the table next to me. "Am I going now?"

The two student doctors walking towards my bed answered that question for me.

"I'll be here when you get back, okay?" Mom said as the doctors wheeled me away.

"Okay," I choked out, remembering the last time I had said those words. With Augustus. The thought almost made me cry, so I must have looked like I was in pain.

"Are you all right?" the female doctor asked, looking quite worried. I nodded, not wanting to explain why I was on the verge of tears. She must have trusted my judgement, as she turned around and continued to wheel me out of the ward towards another part of the hospital.

"We're just going to take some X-rays," the male doctor explained. "I presume you've had some done before?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Although it was quite a long time ago now – I've been doing fine on Phalanxifor so I haven't needed any for a while."

"Ah, okay," the male doctor commented.

We stayed in virtual silence until we got to the X-ray room.

"Now I know all girls your age hate being asked this question," the female student began, using one of the most patronising voices I'd ever heard, "but since you're 16, I have to ask you. Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

I shook my head before thinking back to the first and only time I'd had sex. With Augustus. We'd used contraception, so surely there was no chance?

"Wait." I put my hand up to show her I was thinking. "There might be. Like, I'm probably being paranoid, but I think it's best to check, right?"

"Right," the doctor agreed. "Tell you what, I'll get you a pregnancy test now and you can go test while we're prepping the machine."

"Thanks." Fear struck me as she left my side. What if I was? It wasn't possible, I told myself. We used contraception, and I would have noticed by now. I hadn't had any symptoms as such, so this was just a necessary precaution that would show nothing. Calm yourself, Hazel.


	4. Chapter 4

The woman soon came back, test in hand, giving me a patronising smile that was probably meant to be somewhat comforting. She needed to work on that.

I thanked her again before rushing off to the toilet, desperately hoping my mum wouldn't see me on the way there. The toilet wasn't too far away, but my mum had her ways of checking up on me, even when there were plenty of people already doing that job for her.

Luckily, I managed to get there without much fuss. And when I say luckily, I mean it.

No. No. This couldn't be happening.

It had to be wrong.

It had to be.

There was no way…

No.

When I got back, the female doctor knew the result before I even spoke – the tears still streaming down my face said it all.

"I guess the scans will have to wait," she commented, before putting her arm around my shoulder and hugging me slightly. "Do you want to go and tell your mom?"

I shrugged. "What am I supposed to say?"

"That's your decision, Hazel, but you're going to have to tell her one way or another."

"But how? This wasn't meant to happen!" I collapsed onto the floor in tears, knocking Philip over at the same time. "This wasn't how it was meant to be! Augustus wasn't meant to die, I wasn't meant to get pregnant, and none of this was meant to happen!"

I could feel myself getting short of breath even with the cannula, but I couldn't stop myself.

"I wish I'd never gone to Amsterdam. I wasted Augustus' wish on a stupid author and now this has happened!" A new wave of tears flooded from my eyes.

"Hazel," the female doctor said softly, obviously trying to calm me down somewhat. "If it's too hard for you, I'll get your usual doctor to tell your mom and then we can discuss your options."

I shook my head before wiping my tears from my eyes. "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves."

The doctor looked confused. I held my hand out and explained while she helped me up.

"It's my fault – I've got to tell her."

I shuffled out slowly, oxygen tank in hand, and almost made it to the door before I started crying again.

What was I going to do? Having a kid while battling cancer wasn't exactly the best idea. And it wasn't just mine – it was Augustus' too.

What would my mom say? My dad? Would they be shocked? Annoyed? Sad?

Would I be able to cope with pregnancy? And looking after the baby?

Oh God. I was going to become one of those cases on documentaries – "The Idiots Who Became Pregnant at 16". My mom and I used to laugh at those. Would she laugh at me?

What would Augustus say if he was here?

I could feel myself getting more and more stressed as I walked back to the Children's ward, and when I saw my mom sitting reading a magazine I felt myself fill with dread.

It should have been cancer.

Why couldn't it have been cancer?

No, Hazel. Stop, I told myself. This is better. It's a new life.

But pregnancy and parents and-

No. It is better.


End file.
